First Day of School

 After one of the worst summers of my life, school is starting. Here is hoping that getting into a routine will settle us down and bring some calm to this stormy and terrible time.

Wedding

 We went to a friend's wedding reception, and it was so wonderful to have something fun to celebrate. It's been a terrible and unbelievably hard few weeks, and it was nice to have something to celebrate and to have joy. I was grateful. Anna looked beautiful.

Flowers

 

O'Fallon Park

Ben and I went and did a hike- O'Fallon Park. It was really nice. I sure do love this guy!

 

Dash Point and Redondo

 While in Seattle, we found time to go to Dash Point so Camille could find some seashells, and to Redondo, where it turned into a parking disaster and we left quickly very frustrated before heading to the airport.

Matt's Celebration of Life

 Matt's celebration was beautiful, but hard. It was a good turn out, about 80 people. We had a memory sharing to start which was really sweet. That's when I handed out all the quilts I made. Zak didn't let go of his for the rest of the day which meant a lot to me.

With everything with Sophia, I wasn't much help. Stephanie, Melissa, and Mom and Dad did so much. The work they put into it was amazing, and it showed. The root beer floats (because Mat loved root beer) were a huge hit. Dad made homemade root beer- it was delicious.

There were games everywhere. The kids loved volleyball and karaoke. Mom and dad really wanted it to be a celebration, and I think they got out of it what they wanted. Cousins who I haven't seen in decades were there, and that was nice.

My mom commented previously, "This is the last time I get to buy something for Matt."

That hits pretty hard. This has been so hard. And while it was beautiful, it was a reminder of all that we have lost.

So I've been pretty weepy lately. I feel like grief is now my constant companion, and I haven't quite yet figured out how to walk with her.

It might take me some time to figure it all out.

Young Women, Relief Society, and the Luncheon

 

Sophia's favorite color was pink. Claire had the beautiful idea to have the YW all wear pink to honor her. She texted the YW, and word spread. The YW told the YM and they all wore pink ties. I bought Ben a pink tie. The bishopric all wore pink ties. 

It was one of the most sacred sacraments I had ever been to. Bishop gave our ward a Bishop's Blessing- something I had never heard of before. In the blessing he blessed us that we would be able to bear the burdens for what we needed to do.

It turns out, I desperately needed to rely on that blessing.

Due to a cruel twist of fate, Matt's Celebration of Life was also at this time. But as RS President, I was in charge of ensuring there was a luncheon for the family. In addition, I was getting literally hundreds of text messages a day asking every question under the sun. There were so many logistics, but also I had my own mourning to try and work through.

I have organized a lot of large events in my life. And I'm good at it. But this nearly broke me.

On Tuesday morning, I had a very small amount of time that I could get to the temple. I went to the initiatory room and said, "I don't have much time. But I need to be here. Can I please do one initiatory and then go sit in the Celestial Room?" They said yes. After the initiatory, I sat in the Celestial Room and cried and cried. I was blessed that I was alone- just the worker was there. So I didn't feel bad sobbing.

The menu for the luncheon was intense. Another of our best friends in our group is a professional chef. Like me, she wouldn't be at the funeral- me for Matt's Celebration of Life, her because her son was getting married in Hawaii on the same day.

She promised me the menu was simple, and she sent it over to me and I didn't recognize half the ingredients. 

But, I also know I have amazing women in our ward. We have one family who owns Twisted Sugar and they donated cookies for the luncheon. We hand picked 4 women who we know are good chefs to be in charge of the chicken. Then I sent out a SignUp Genius for things like, "10 heads of raddichio, chopped."

I hated that I wouldn't be there, but I obviously couldn't miss Matt's Celebration of Life- that's literally the one thing I could not miss.

We planned for 150 people for the luncheon. 

The planning was intense. Again, literally hundreds of text messages a day. Hundreds of tiny, minute details figured out. Lots of stress and tears on my end. I finally had to remember Bishop's blessing and turn it over to Him and trust it would turn out.

And, it did. The women stepped up- like we always do.

My faith in Relief Society is so strong. I saw it at Matt's funeral and the luncheon the sisters put together for us. I was so grateful to them, and as I saw them putting together a meal for a hundred strangers, I thought, "and my ward would do it, too."

And, the sisters did. Our women are incredible. From everything I heard, the luncheon was absolutely wonderful.