I Just Don't Care

We lost.

This post might be a little raw, a little emotional. I'm still processing this. I knew if we lost it would be tough, and I wasn't sure how I would handle it. Of course, I have lost many elections before. But never one so personal- one that affects so much. It pretty much sucks on every level. So I'm not quite sure where I'm at. Stunned. Sad. Angry. Disgusted.

After Saturday Night Live a pastor comes on TV each week. A couple weeks ago he talked about a lie that many people tell themselves. He said he has hundreds of people who come into his office and say things like,

"My mom abused me as a child. But I don't care."

"My son doesn't believe in God. But I don't care."

"My sister-in-law is rude and I hate her. But I don't care."

He said these people are lying to themselves when they say, "I don't care." Of course they care. But they are so tired of caring, so worn out by caring, that they simply CAN'T care anymore. It takes too much energy and effort, so they act like they don't.

That's how I feel right now. That I can't care.

I have given so much- along with thousands of others. I literally did everything I possibly could.

But big money won.

Don't believe me?

If you take out all of the outside interest money, parents and community members in our county raised over $48,000 for our candidates. How much did they raise for the other side? Under $5,000.

If outside interest money wasn't a part of this election, the parents would win hands down. It wouldn't even be a contest.

As parents, we donated thousands of hours to get rid of the outside interest groups. We banded together in a way that I have never seen before. The other side hired teenagers to come and do their bidding.

And we lost.

As a result, I have lost all faith in the electoral process. If we can't win in a simple, small, school board election- how can we win anything? Big money has now taken over every aspect of our lives. So much so that we have lost our voice on the most basic, intimate level- in the instruction of our children.

I am very angry with my community. Not the community that fought hard to protect our schools, our teachers, and our kids. But the community that was so easily duped by shiny flyers telling lies. A community that has taken the attitude, "As long as my kids are OK, screw the rest of you."

That is now becoming my mantra: "I will take care of my kids, and I don't give a $$!$! about your kids."

I have seriously considered being released from my calling in primary. I currently teach the children music. But I really don't want to do anything for somebody else's kids. Not when I live in a ward where people honestly believe that their children are better than mine because their kids go to a charter school and get to wear uniforms. And, yes, I can't tell you how many people have said something along the lines of, "Oh, well my child is gifted, so he needed to go to a charter school." Even though the charter school performs worse than Audra's school on virtually every measure.

Ben and I talked tonight about moving- and that is a very serious consideration. I hate living in a community that hates teachers and devalues education. I hate living in a ward that wants to set up a social structure based on money and prestige (which is something I have noticed about my ward for a very long time, but this election just proves it more). I hate being surrounded by people who have the most anti-Zion attitude of any people I have ever met.

That's what I call this place: The Anti-Zion. We are not a community, and we sure as heck don't care about others. We only think of ourselves here in Anti-Zion.

Pretty much, we're just incredibly unhappy here.

And with these election results, it looks like things aren't going to change any time soon.

But for now, I guess when in Rome, do as the Romans. So I'll take care of my kids, and screw everybody else.

***FYI- if you need to get a hold of me, don't do it on FB. I won't be on there for a very long time. So if you are pregnant and I don't know about it until the baby comes, it's because I didn't see the ultrasound you posted on FB.