It has been a series of "lasts" as we countdown Audra leaving for Brazil. Her last night, we played Pandemic. And lost. Ebola, unfortunately, spread throughout the world and it was all our fault.
We started packing Audra about a week early. This actually calmed her. One thing with Home MTC that is really hard is that it feels like this perpetual state of waiting and being in limbo land. Starting to pack was a little grounding.
In what can only be described as parental insanity, we are sending our three kids to three different continents this summer.
Camille decided months ago that she wanted to do her Birthday party at Casa Bonita. This was wonderful, and difficult. Difficult because it would take reservations made months in advance (which I got for her while we were on the plane to Cancun back in January), we would need both Ben and me driving up to Casa Bonita, and there was a strict limit on how many people she could invite.
But, it's what she wanted. A few girls dropped out at the last minute so I just had to drive. Camille didn't want me to sit at the table with them, but I kind-of had to. But, after eating and paying, I left them to play at Casa Bonita while I went and did some work at the town homes. They were at Casa Bonita without me for TWO HOURS having the time of their lives! I was really glad they had such a wonderful time. And even more glad I had no mess to clean up.
I think Camille felt loved and was happy with how it turned out.
Audra's P-Day was suddenly changed from Saturday to Tuesday (we didn't know until last night, when she had about 5 minutes left in class). Ben took the day off work and we went on a hike. It actually worked out really well and was quite lovely, though it was hard for Audra to make the mental adjustment of her P-Day being changed.
Home MTC is a lot harder than any of us expected. Audra is in REALLY long meetings- 3 hours long- and Portuguese has been more of a struggle than she would have liked. She is comparing herself to the other sisters in her district (there are only 14 sisters, no elders in her district) and is spending a lot of times in tears. But, we had a really great hike and it was wonderful to be together (minus Claire who had to go to work).
And so it begins...Audra got set apart tonight by our wonderful Stake President Chipman. He was a mission president in Peru and he gave some wonderful advice:
She isn't called to learn Portuguese. She is called to testify of Christ. Language is a tool, not a purpose.
Then he set her apart which included some beautiful blessings: Your family will be greatly blessed while you serve. You will have angels helping you. You will be blessed with the Holy Ghost so you can get your point across. You will be blessed with the gift of tongues and with good physical health.
We did a simple Birthday for her this year. Matthew is allergic to chocolate, so I got a peach cake from Costco.
-Despite being scared to death of going to BYU, she did amazing! She got straight A's and earned two different scholarships that equate to a full tuition scholarship waiting for her when she gets home
-She and Matthew are very close, so we will see what happens when they both get home from a mission
-She still loves marching band and trumpet in general
-It is very important for her mental health to work out every day, and she is diligent at either going for jogs or watching work out videos at home
-She wishes she had stayed at Heritage Halls, a traditional dorm, rather than Helaman, where she had to cook all of her own meals. Plus, her roommates were all very messy and not particularly nice, and that was hard. If she was in Heritage Halls, there would only have been one roommate to deal with
-While at school, Claire would call her weekly and talk to her for hours- mostly Claire talking and telling Audra all her problems, and Audra patiently listening. Audra is getting a lot of great practice at being a counselor, which is what she wants to do- become an elementary school counselor
-She still loves nature and reading, and her favorite color is still purple
-She is very clean, and therefore often got stuck cleaning up after her messy roommates. That was a real struggle for her
-She has a very sweet testimony and very empathetic and kind heart
Audra's farewell was beautiful. She was very nervous, but did an excellent job. We were grateful so many loved ones could come and be a part of it, as long as the many watching via Zoom at home. She is going to be amazing in Brazil!
Good morning brothers and sisters. I remember when I was little and would listen to all of the missionaries, wanting to be just like them. I feel like that day has come too soon. While I may not have all of the wisdom of a returned missionary, I hope that I can provide the opportunity for the Spirit to dwell with us today. I moved into this ward when I was one, and have since been taught by many of you. Thank you for teaching me and being amazing examples. Your Christlike love encourages and strengthens me, and I appreciate the many ways you have brought light into my life. I would not be the person I am today if I did not have Jesus Christ in my life. If it were not for the strong relationship I have built with Him, I would not willingly sacrifice 18 months to serve His children. My life has changed for the better because of Him, and I hope to bring peace and hope to those who are struggling. I can not do life alone, and I cannot imagine how difficult and daunting life would be without Christ. I have tried to do life without Him, thinking that I can handle my own challenges alone. When I fail, I sometimes refuse to turn to the one person who can help me. Not because I don’t trust Him, but because I feel like He does not need to carry my burdens when I think I can handle it. The instant I choose to turn to Christ, my life immediately changes for the better. Building a strong relationship with Chrsit has been essential. As with all relationships, a relationship with the Savior takes work. Today, I would like to share with you three ways that help me to strengthen my relationship with Him. I have found that understanding and using the atonement, prayer, and trusting in God have allowed me to improve my relationship.
The atonement is the greatest gift we have received. For a while, I used to struggle to understand how the atonement affects me individually. I always believed that the atonement covered my sins, but whenever I sinned I felt like the atonement worked for everyone except me. In Elder Tah’s talk, “Our Personal Savior,” he says that, quote, “The Atonement of Jesus Christ applies to us personally and individually. The Atonement of Jesus Christ is infinite and eternal and all-encompassing in its breadth and depth but wholly personal and individual in its effects. Because of His atoning sacrifice, the Savior has power to cleanse, heal, and strengthen us one by one.” End quote. The atonement covers all of us while also healing us in personal ways. No one is beyond the reach of the grace and hope of the Savior. I used to think that I am too imperfect to be loved. That because of my mistakes, I am forever stuck in my sins. The Savior’s atonement is not like that. There is no point of no return. We can always come back to Him, and He will always want us in His presence. The second I choose to invite Christ into my life, I am overcome with joy and happiness because He truly is the Redeemer, the only one who can save us from our sins and strengthen us during our trials.
While Christ saves me from my sins, His sacrifice also allows Him to strengthen me while I am experiencing my own refiners fire. In Alma chapter 7 verse 12, it says that, “he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.” Christ was willing to suffer so that He knows exactly what we are going through. There have been times in my life when I have collapsed to my knees because I could not find the strength to go on. Life is meant to be difficult, but it is not meant to be done alone. The world today is busy and overwhelming, while also leaving many in despair and loneliness. In this pandemic of loneliness, building a relationship with Christ is essential. Christ is the one friend who will never let us down. He is the one person who can always be with us. In times of difficulty, I find it harder to turn to Christ. I want to blame God for making me experience trials, when in reality He is helping me to learn and grow. The trials I have faced have shaped me. They have left scars, but they have also brought me closer to Christ. The instant I choose to ask God for help, He gives me the strength I need to get through one more day, one more week, and one more month. Understanding the depth and infinite nature of the atonement has brought me closer to Christ.
Deep and thoughtful prayers have built the foundation for a lasting relationship with God. One of my favorite talks is by Elder Holland, called “Motions of a Hidden Fire.” In his talk, he says that “God hears every prayer we offer and responds to each of them according to the path He has outlined for our perfection.” I used to struggle with the idea that God will respond to my prayer in the way He knows it needs to be answered. I was taught at a young age how to pray. At the time, I believed that if I prayed for something, I would get it. As I got older, I quickly learned that prayer is not meant to work like that. Sometimes I need to struggle to grow. Sometimes I need to sit with a question instead of receiving an immediate answer. But most importantly, when I receive an answer, I need to accept it, regardless if it is the answer I wanted. As many of you know, I attended BYU this past year. I had no desire to go there. I wanted to go to CSU so that I would be close to home and be with my friends from high school. After praying, I received the guidance that I needed to go to BYU. I wanted to ignore it and just go to CSU, but I knew that I couldn’t see what God could. While my time at BYU was imperfect, I know it is where I am supposed to be. I have since learned to stop doubting why God answers my prayers in ways that I did not understand. Jesus Christ himself wanted to be saved from the suffering he faced in Gethsemane. While God heard His prayer, He did not save Him from the pain He was experiencing. But God did not leave Christ alone. He sent an angel to help Him. Prayers should not only be offered during times of trials or important decisions. Elder Holland says that, “If we ask not amiss, there are no limits to when, where, or about what we should pray.” God wants to communicate with us. He wants to hear about the small things in our lives, not only the big things. I know that God hears our prayers, regardless of how small and simple our questions and problems may be. He answers our prayers in ways that He knows they need to be answered. His plan for us is perfect, and we need to trust that He knows what is best for us. As I have continued to have heartfelt prayers, I have increased my relationship with Jesus Christ.
Trust is vital for any relationship, but especially one with Christ. The verse I chose for my mission plaque is D&C 6:36, which says, “Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not.” I chose this verse because I certainly have many fears and doubts, maybe like some of you. I stress about big things but also really little things that have no real importance. But I don’t think that God intended for us to worry about everything. Because in reality, if we trust God, is there really anything to be worried about? In my mind, I always believed the answer was no, but it is much harder in practice. Trust is often built up gradually but lost quickly. Because God is perfect, I am always the one who feels as if I am breaking God’s trust. I make mistakes. I fall short. And sometimes I wonder how God can still continue to put His trust in me. Throughout my life, I have had many opportunities to be an instrument in His hands. Whenever I receive my own promptings or personal revelation, I tend to question it instead of simply trusting it. Part of the doubt is because I worry that a prompting did not come from God, or because the prompting inconveniences me in some way. God wants us to be able to find our own answers, but we need to trust the answers and promptings He gives us. We may not understand why we receive a certain prompting, but God inspired us for a reason. The more I obey the promptings that God gives me, the closer I come to Him. I have come to trust in Him as I follow the revelation He gives me. As I have been preparing to serve a mission, I have to be willing to put my trust in God. I remember the day I got my mission call. I always thought that I would serve as an ASL missionary in the States, since I took ASL for 4 years in high school. When I opened my call, I was surprised that I was instead going to Brasilia, Brazil. For a while, I felt very nervous about trying to learn Portuguese. ASL and Portuguese are completely different, and I was unsure that I would be able to learn. While I do not know Portuguese, or really anything about Brazil, I have to trust that God will help me learn. I know that Brazil is where I need to be, because I trust God’s prophet, President Oaks. I am going to Brazil for a reason, and I know that God will support me as I try to serve His children. I cannot see everything that God sees, which is why I must trust in His plan for me.
Building a relationship with Christ takes work, but is well worth the effort. I promise that as you come to understand the atonement, prioritize prayers, and trust in the Lord, your relationship with the Savior will increase. God loves you, and wants to have a personal and strong relationship with you. With God on your side, life becomes infinitely better. The trials and hardships will not leave, but you will never be alone. I bear my testimony of the love God has for His children. I know that He wants everyone to return to Him, and has provided the atonement so that we can be made better and eventually be made perfect. I know that a relationship with God is the best way to overcome the hardship that life brings. I know God hears our prayers and will answer them. I know that we can trust Him. He will never let us down or forget about us. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
